hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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