do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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