We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize