TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
