my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
