to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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