Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
