You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
