guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize