me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
