you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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