Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
