Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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