but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
