I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
