nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
