There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
