how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize