I faked an abortion last night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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