Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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