Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
