Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
