I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
