I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
