If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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