from now on my penis is your penis
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
