Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
