the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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