Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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