Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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