i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
