Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also, beer. Big fan.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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