My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
