i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
