Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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