come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
