she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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