the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
