I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
