idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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