mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
