So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
