My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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