i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
