Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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