is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize