were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
