I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
