Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
