Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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