My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
