Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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