im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
