i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
