Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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