it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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