The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
