is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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