Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
