Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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