found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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