Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
