Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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