You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
