Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
barbara walters just said penis...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
