why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
