I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
