I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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