I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
