so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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