Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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