Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have aggressive nipples.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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