Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
