Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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