if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
