my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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