Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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