I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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